Conversations with God

I began writing a blog this morning, and was getting frustrated as I felt it getting drier and drier. Finally, I felt God ask, “Are you ready to get real?” I began thinking about what was really going on with me—and began to write. The worship conference we are having this week at World Revival Church began Wednesday. I was taken by surprise that evening when God began dealing with me while a speaker shared about what being a child of God is supposed to look like. I began to cry—actually deep, heart-wrenching sobs as God began revealing feelings of grief, abandonment, and isolation. Yet even as I cried, I could feel myself holding back; I wasn’t willing to let God work as deeply in me as he wanted to. I remember the analogy I heard from a teacher at World Revival School of Ministry : when something is wrong with us physically, we can go to a surgeon who will cut us open, put his hands inside of us, cut things out, and sew up the broken pieces. Yet, so often we back away in ...

As God swept into World Revival Church last weekend in an upsurge of revival (read more about that here ), I had a “calendar moment,” a turning point after which I’ll never be the same. I’ve had others when God has come down in a mighty way to break off bondages and destructive things from my life, but this was different; God just asked me a question. To give a little background: six years ago, I didn’t really have a life worth living. Mental illness had begun devouring my life at the age of 16. I no stability or continuity; I existed day to day, relentlessly knocked around by countless psychological tormentors. My world centered on myself and my instability. I lived alone, and would go for days without seeing or speaking to anyone. At the same time, I was consumed by self-destruction to the point that I am still amazed at my survival. Then God came down and gloriously transformed my life; practically overnight, he reformed my mind. A couple of years later I moved to Kansas Ci...