Conversations with God

One of the neat things about being a teacher of young children is the opportunity to see things from a child’s perspective, to witness firsthand their innocence and trust, and gain a better understanding of how Father wants me to see things. He uses them to teach me things I might not learn as well from a book or a sermon. I receive new students throughout the year. As a special education teacher, my students come already facing challenges. Being in a racially and ethnically diverse district, they sometimes have the added challenge of being unfamiliar with the primary language of the school. So when I get a new student as young as 2 years old, who has never been away from home or family, and who doesn’t even speak the same language I do, my first job is not to teach them their ABCs. It’s not even to teach them English. My first responsibility is to create a space where they feel safe enough to focus on those things they need to learn without the distractions of fear or anx...

Chaos calls to chaos, to the tune of whitewater rapids. Your breaking surf, your thundering breakers crash and crush me. Then God promises to love me all day, sing songs all through the night! My life is God’s prayer   (Ps 42:7-8, MSG) . “I’m going to crush you with love.” Those are the words Father spoke to me a few months ago in response to my deep conviction of what I perceived as my lack of properly appreciating all He’s done for me. I asked Him to crush me – having no idea how He would choose to do so. It has yet to cease to amaze me how He responds to the naked heart’s cry of His own. When I expect Him to punish, He loves more. When I want Him to yell at me, He just looks at me with His heart in His eyes. While I’m waiting for Him to walk away, He moves closer than before, until I finally take the hand He’s extending. As Father continues to reveal and destroy my misconceptions of who He is, I’m realizing how many of my responses to Him are born out of my experiences wit...

God, my shepherd! I don’t need a thing. You have bedded me down in lush meadows, you find me quiet pools to drink from. True to your word, you let me catch my breath and send me in the right direction. Even when the way goes through Death Valley, I’m not afraid when you walk at my side. Your trusty shepherd’s crook makes me feel secure. You serve me a six-course dinner right in front of my enemies. You revive my drooping head; my cup brims with blessing. Your beauty and love chase after me every day of my life. I’m back home in the house of God for the rest of my life. (Ps 23, MSG). Not long ago, God turned my world upside down by revealing Himself to me in a way I had honestly run from – as Beloved, Lover, lead in the Dance. He spoke to me about learning to trust Him and experiencing what love is really for. Since then, I’ve had amazing times of intimacy with Him, times when He has drawn me closer than I believed possible. He also has shown Himself to be more kind and trustworthy...

“Going through the fire” is a phrase common to many Christian circles. Those who use it are usually saying they (or others) are in a season of testing or purification. It’s not generally an eagerly anticipated season of the Christian walk. I’m experiencing such a season right now. It’s exciting, because anytime Daddy starts working in my life, I know good will result. But it can also be painful, as old things are exposed and dealt with. As I was wrestling with some of these things last night, Holy Spirit brought the story of Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego (Daniel 3) to my mind. They are the ones who walked away unscathed from the fiery furnace. I was particularly struck by verses 24-25: “Suddenly King Nebuchadnezzar jumped up in alarm and said, ‘Didn’t we throw three men, bound hand in foot, into the fire?’ ‘That’s right, O king,’ they said. ‘But look!’ he said. ‘I see four men, walking around freely in the fire, completely unharmed! And the fourth man looks like a son of the ...

If there’s one thing I’ve discovered about God, it’s that there is always more to discover. He takes me to a new place of relationship, a new level of intimacy, and my breath is taken away. Then a few days, weeks, months later, there is an encounter that leaves me breathless once again. When I think about that in conjunction with the fact of how short a time I’ve really been walking with Him, I am pretty much speechless at the thought of what’s to come. But rather than get caught up in the future, I’m learning to savor the day-to-day journey. Sometimes it’s almost (or entirely) overwhelming. The God of the universe taking the time to come down to have a relationship with me . . . it still floors me. I’ve determined, however, that no matter what He asks or offers, I will say, “Yes.” It seemed like a pretty safe decision in the beginning. The Kingdom of God is salvation, wholeness, restoration and provision in every area. Pretty safe bet, huh? Then He started meddling in areas of...

"For God, who said, 'Let light shine out of the darkness,' made his light shine in our hearts to give us the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Christ. But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us" (2 Cor. 4:6-7). God chose to put the treasure of His presence and power in human vessels - jars of clay - fragile, easily cracked, plain. It doesn't make a lot of sense to minds that are trained to think of God as a perfectionist and His ministers as infallible. But I'm coming to learn something about Him - the weaker I am, the stronger He gets to be in my life. It's entirely Biblical; Paul says the same thing in 2 Cor. 12:9-10. But it's one thing to read it. It's another thing to feel the weakness, see the inadequacies, know the failures - and experience that all-surpassing power coming out of you to touch someone else in spite of it all. The fact is, my fra...

What is beauty? The more I see of God, the more unexpected places I find it. The mute's first halting word, the lame's first stumbling step. The broken's first real laugh. A small hand reaching up into mine as a child decides, against all past experience, to trust one more time. A smile on the face of a grandmother with the mind of a child as she experiences her Father's love. These have shattered my neat and tidy preconceptions of what is beautiful. Pure praise rising from the lips of one whose life is mired in destruction. Complete abandon to the One who holds the power of life and death, regardless of circumstances. The sight of powerful men and women willingly facedown in the presence of God. Ear-splitting shrieks as the bound are set free. Screams of faith and trust in the center of life's hurricanes. The raw and bleeding laying down at Jesus' feet, and rising with wounds half-healed to minister to others. Jesus came to give us beauty instead of o...

A little over a year ago, God spoke something to me that shook me deeply. He simply said this: “If you don’t let Me love you, you’re not going to make it.” It was warning and encouragement, even a challenge, wrapped into one simple sentence. I immediately went into crisis. See, I already loved God. I loved everything I knew about Him, and I wanted to do everything I could to please Him. I loved to worship, I loved to pray, I loved to watch Him working in the people around me. But that statement was a call to another level of relationship I wasn’t sure I was ready for. I remember crying out, “ I love You . Why can’t that be enough!?” I wept for days. Of course I knew “Jesus loves me.” But I also knew this was so much more than that. He was now looking for a 2-way connection. He wanted open access to the inside of me. I was not at all comfortable with that idea. The religion I grew up with gave me an image of God that was far away and not that involved in my day-to-day life. ...

I was given an invitation to speak to at a church recently while on vacation. As I sought direction on what to say, I came across Psalm 46:10: “Be still and know that I am God. I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth” (NIV84). I’d heard this verse before, but never really thought about it. If I had, I would probably have bowed my head, closed my eyes and tried to “be still” for as long as I could. That would likely have been about 38 seconds before I began feeling really awkward and got up to do something that felt more useful. This verse stuck with me however, particularly the first line, so I began exploring it some more. One of the first things I did was read it in other versions. I was struck with how it read in the NASB: “ Cease striving and know that I am God” (original italics). This got me digging into Bible dictionaries. What I found really changed me, and I knew this was the direction I needed to go. What I found was that the word...

I was re-reading Number 16 recently. I learned in the Intercession and Warfare class at World Revival School of Ministry that Aaron’s actions here are an example of intercession, or “standing in the gap.” The past year has been an amazing one. I’ve seen life come to children plagued with all sorts of physical and emotional disabilities. I’ve watched God come down to people on the outskirts of the community, shut away in a nursing home. At work, God's healed and brought hope to people I see every day. I’ve also seen people stay shut in the boxes of their own lives. I’ve watched hope drop to the ground as it’s offered and refused. I’ve listened to people choose the sickness they know over the God they don’t. What do you do when that happens? I think Numbers 16 offers some insight. God tells Moses and Aaron to separate themselves from the community so He can deal with those who are choosing rebellion and wickedness over God's way. Instead of taking the easy out, Moses tell...

I love Ezekiel 16. Today, God took me to verses 4-5: “ On the day you were born your cord was not cut, nor were you washed with water to make you clean, nor were you rubbed with salt or wrapped in cloths. No one looked on you with pity or had compassion enough to do any of these things for you. Rather, you were thrown out into the open field, for on the day you were born you were despised ” (NIV). As I thought about that, He simply said to me, “You have to be taught to throw yourself away.” My parents loved me from the beginning, but a lot of things happened in my life to make me feel like one who was despised. I began from an early age to consider myself disposable and threw away decades exploring avenues to fulfill that expectation. I’ve experienced an incredible amount of spiritual and emotional restoration since that time. Right now I’m using Pastor Kathy Gray’s Journal to Freedom to find even more. But what can be done to raise a generation that doesn’t walk into adulthood...