Conversations with God

"I'll give you my worship; I'll pour it out on you. Let it be beautiful; let it be costly. Let it be innocent. Let it be holy, holy like you are." These lyrics from a new song by Faith Alive Band stopped me in my tracks. "Beautiful...costly... innocent..." What powerful words. It's so easy to think of worship as participating in a song service. Of course singing is part of worship. But Paul tells us offering our bodies as a living sacrifice is worship holy and pleasing to God. (Rom. 12:1) That sounds great. But how does that work in real life? The Message version leaves no room for confusion: "Take your everyday, ordinary life—your sleeping, eating, going-to-work, and walking-around life—and place it before God as an offering." I've wondered how my "everyday life" could be worship. I love my life! But some things, like my job, can be crazy hard. I believe God gave me the job - so in the difficulty, I question what I...

"'Sing, barren woman, you who never bore a child; burst into song, shout for joy, you who were never in labor; because more are the children of the desolate woman than of her who has a husband,' says the Lord ." (Is. 54:1) This passage spoke to me a decade ago. I felt God was using it to make a promise to me. Yet here I am, years later, still holding only the promise in my hands. Some would say I misunderstood. It was just emotion and hope; God didn't really say anything to me. Or did he? As time has passed, God has periodically reminded me of his promise. I've had people who know nothing about this pray about my "mother's heart." He's even given me glimpses or visions of what he has planned. Children are definitely part of my future. Has the wait been hard? Of course. I've wept and cried out, feeling the stretch of the delay in the womb of my heart, sometimes wondering how much more I can bear. "...more are the c...

I've been reading in Exodus lately and thinking about what the Israelites did after getting free from Egypt. Despite their physical freedom, they didn't make it to where God wanted them to go. It reminded me of our own process of getting free from the sorrows and events that try to haunt us. In Exodus 32, Moses is up on the mountain communing with God. Aaron and the rest of the people are waiting and waiting on him down below. The people's fear and impatience finally gets the best of them. Unable to bear the uncertainty, they create a golden calf to worship instead. These are the people who were just victoriously led out of slavery, watching the ocean crash over and destroy their enemies. They are feasting on bread from heaven and seeing the radiant glory of God on Moses' face. But the miracles around them weren't enough to sustain their faith when things got rocky. Seeing their leader covered in glory didn't lead them to greater faithfulness. Str...

I love rain in the summer. Recently, I was outside enjoying a light shower. I relished the coolness and was looking for rainbows. Suddenly, I got hit with something. A deep ache rose up in me. Oh, how I wanted to be back in Uganda. As I mused on it, tears came to my eyes. This wasn't a new feeling, but it'd been a while. I've been back from Africa for a month and a half. My time has become more and more consumed with school-year preparations. As I stood in the rain, tears welling in my eyes, I realized I had a choice. Actually, I had a few choices. My first response was to just shut the feeling down. I'm not there, and won't be for a while. Why subject myself to avoidable pain by dwelling on what I don't have? Anybody been there? Another option was to dive deep into the emotion. I could sigh and cry about what I think I'm missing. Anybody been there ? I decided to try something totally different. I looked past the city sky to my memories of...

I've dreamed about going to Africa for years. I've devoured countless books and blogs written by African missionaries. I've talked about it, dreamed about it, waited for it. My friends Dr. Cliff and Julie Pash from Advancing the Kingdom Ministries  (ATK) lead several churches and a school in Uganda, and have invited me several times. This summer I finally got to spend two weeks with them. Actually packing for the trip was exciting and surreal at the same time. I didn't know what to feel. I knew enough to know that plans and expectations are fine, but that there are some things you can't plan. I figured I would just go and see what happened. Sure enough, some things went as I expected, and some things came as a total surprise. To narrow it down, here they are - 5 things I learned while in Uganda: 1. Dreams are worth waiting for Almost 10 years ago, the Lord told me I'd work with kids in Africa. That was great, but I didn't know...

The sun sets early in Uganda, so it was already dusk as the worship night began. I didn't know the songs they sang or the words they spoke, but their heart was clear. They were worshipping Jesus. It wasn't long before the presence of God began to fill the small courtyard. Eyes were closed and hands were raised as the Lord came near to each person. Many of those present were young women, teenagers. Most have already lived hard lives. This is a different culture than the U.S.; affection between parent and child is rarely expressed. Before coming to the Pash's misson base, these girls may never have received a simple hug and the words "I love you" from a parent. Unsurprisingly, it's hard for them to recognize and accept the Father's love. But this evening, His love was being poured out. Worship continued for an hour or more. With each song, the students went deeper into the Lord's presence. As their hearts softened and self-consciousness...

I have been in Uganda, Africa for 1 week. I am staying with Dr. Cliff and Julie Pash, who have established several churches here through their ministry, Advancing the Kingdom. I have a little ministry experience - I have volunteered with a prayer house for over 6 years and have prayed for hundreds of people in that time. I have trained teachers in a children's ministry and led adult small groups. So when I came to Uganda, I planned to jump right in and help. I was extremely excited at the prospect of speaking to and praying for new people. But when I arrived in this new,  unfamiliar place, with customs and language I didn't understand, I found myself frozen with fear instead. I felt so intimidated, it was hard to leave my room the first day. I knew I had to step beyond this. But I didn't know how. Then one night, wide awake at 3:00 in the morning (thanks, jet lag!), the Lord began showing me something. The pictures of ministry I'd had in my mind were not...

*Jace - you came in so angry today. I try all morning to figure out what's wrong, to no avail. Then we're getting ready for the bus and I tell everyone to show your papers to mom and dad. You burst into tears and shout, "I don't have a dad! He's in jail. Mommy said I don't have a dad anymore." The bell rings, we have to get to buses... Jesus, You are good, and You only do good. Let Your goodness flow now... Sonia - such a beautiful little girl, trapped in a body that is almost completely out of your control. We got through most of the day, then it happened again. Your back arched and you let out a scream as the seizure hit. I stroked your hair as I watched the seconds tick by and sang to you under my breath. Jesus, You are good, and You only do good. Let Your goodness flow now... Jamie - the "demons" in your family have come with you to school. I wrestle with my own temper through the biting, scratching and kicking as I try to teach you t...

Everyone has seasons of sadness. We lose a loved one, a marriage falters, a child leaves home - any of countless things can happen to bring us there. Ecclesiastes even promises us there will be times of both weeping and rejoicing. I was in such a time myself when the Lord said something very interesting to me. He said, "Sow your tears." I had to chew on that a bit. I was focused on my tears. That's ok - God takes notice of them, too (see Ps. 56:8 ). But He said something else: "Sow." So I went to the parable of the sower. The story is told in Matthew, Mark, and Luke. By my 3rd read-through, I was beginning to get it. You know how it goes: "A farmer went out to sow his seed. As he was scattering the seed, some fell along the path..., on rocky places..., among thorns" (Mt. 13). For whatever reason, this farmer was being careless with his seed. After all, it was only the seed that fell on good soil that bore fruit. "Those who sow with te...

"Then Mary took about a pint of pure nard, an expensive perfume; she poured it on Jesus' feet and wiped his feet with her hair. And the house was filled with the fragrance of the perfume" (Jn. 12:3). Most of us are familiar with the story of Mary anointing Jesus; we also remember how Judas protested. He says he thinks the perfume should have been sold so money could be given to the poor; but John informs us he's just greedy. What struck me as I read it again this morning was that many would protest today, too, but for a different reason. Remember, this perfume wasn't just one of the pricey ones on the locked shelf at Walgreens. This small jar was worth an entire year's wages. And as I read it, I "heard" preachers today saying, "No, don't do that, Mary - you don't have to spend that much. Keep it for yourself. Jesus would want you to." Of course Jesus wants us to have nice things. But rather than focus on what Mary...

Being "face-to-face" with God is a popular concept in certain Christian circles. We sing songs and post trendy memes about it on Facebook. But in a culture inundated with things meant to keep us from being face-to-face with anyone , I wonder if we really even know what that means. You know what I'm talking about - meeting in person is becoming more and more rare. Phone calls are obsolete; countless messaging apps have apparently eliminated any need to see or even hear one another. Even when we do find time to get together, we spend more time looking at our phones than at each other. Then we go to church and expect to be able to lock eyes with God? Probably not. The same habits that keep us from connecting with people will keep us distanced from God, as well. So what do we do? I've discovered 4 simple things that will help us re-connect. Intentionality In a world of instantaneous communication and calendar-driven schedules, it takes desire and purpose t...

See what I've given you? Safe passage as you walk on snakes and scorpions, and protection from every assault of the Enemy. No one can put a hand on you. All the same, the great triumph is not in your authority over evil, but in God's authority over you and presence with you (Lk. 10:19, 20, MSG). It's no surprise for me to tell you there's a lot of evil in the world. From suicide bombings and beheadings to domestic violence and cancer, you can find the work of the enemy anywhere you look. We are supposed to be aware of the evil around us. As Jesus sent his disciples out, he told them, "As you go, proclaim this message: 'The kingdom of heaven has come near.' Heal the sick, raise the dead, cleanse those who have leprosy, drive out demons. Freely you have received, freely give. (Mt. 10:7, 8). Confronting wickedness is part of Jesus' commission to us. If we refuse to look at the evil in the name of self-protection, we are useless in extending t...