Happy Dependence Day!
Today is Independence Day in America. I had this great blog idea about contrasting the American ideal of independence with God’s plan of dependence on Him. It wasn’t coming out very well, however; and as I scrolled through some of my previous writings, I found this piece.
I felt His prompting to share it, and my immediate response was, “You don’t really mean this one, do You?” Suddenly, I was facing my own battle of independence. But as I re-read it, I realized I already had a blog about learning dependence.
So read, enjoy, and may you soon be able to celebrate your own dependence day:
I had a very convicting moment the other day. I had stepped out and done something against the nudging of the Holy Spirit. The conviction was heavy, and I immediately stopped and began repenting.
“I don’t want to be independent of You, Lord. Strip me of my independence!”
I meant what I said – I wanted to be different. But as I beseeched Him, He reminded me: “I’m not a rapist. So I’m not going to strip you.”
I was at a loss for words. How then could anything be changed if He didn’t strip it away? He is the One with the ability, the power, to take away anything He wants.
He began to speak to me again in words and pictures about who He wants to be to me; and I began to see a possibility for change for which my experience in religion never prepared me.
He is Lover, and I am called to be intimate with Him – to trust Him, come close to Him, and allow no barriers between us. As the romance deepens, and we dance ever closer to one another, I can begin to shed the garments that separated us (fear, independence) on my own.
I realized that intimacy is something I’ve never known. I’ve known lots of people, but I’ve never experienced what it is to be truly intimate with another person, either friend or lover.
Completely overwhelmed by what He was offering me, I whispered, “You are almost beyond my comprehension, Father – the Power to strip and take away, who prefers to wait until it’s given . . . What is this?”
He answered simply, “I’m teaching you love.”
And I saw myself, newly wed, entering the bridal chamber. My Husband was standing inside, waiting for me. His hand was extended towards me, yet He was saying, “I’m waiting for you. I’m willing to wait as long as you need Me to.”
And as much as I wanted to, and as much as I loved Him, I could not step forward and take that hand. “I want to; but I want it to be real, Father. I want to trust You so much, it’s natural to walk towards You, leaving a trail of old fears and lies behind me as I move into Your embrace.”
That night I went to bed, feeling Him still very close. I woke briefly several times in the night. The first 2-3 times I woke, He was still standing inside the chamber, waiting for me. I told Him, “I want to do this. I want to be able to come to You with only joy and excitement at the next step in the Romance.” But I couldn’t take His hand.
The next few times I awoke, we were outside, and, without saying a word, He took me by the hand, and we just walked. There was absolutely no reproach, no rebuke. He just took time to walk with me. He really is willing to wait – and He isn’t leaving me while He does so.
There is such a stirring on the inside of me. I feel like I am on the brink of something I’ve never even imagined, a level of relationship and understanding of love that I cannot comprehend at this time. It’s exciting, yet completely unknown. And yet the pressure that marked what I previously knew of intimacy is nowhere to be found. I know that even though I haven’t yet been able to grasp that hand, one day soon, I will. The very fact that He isn’t forcing me is drawing me nearer to Him. Perhaps that’s what real love does . . .
I felt His prompting to share it, and my immediate response was, “You don’t really mean this one, do You?” Suddenly, I was facing my own battle of independence. But as I re-read it, I realized I already had a blog about learning dependence.
So read, enjoy, and may you soon be able to celebrate your own dependence day:
I had a very convicting moment the other day. I had stepped out and done something against the nudging of the Holy Spirit. The conviction was heavy, and I immediately stopped and began repenting.
“I don’t want to be independent of You, Lord. Strip me of my independence!”
I meant what I said – I wanted to be different. But as I beseeched Him, He reminded me: “I’m not a rapist. So I’m not going to strip you.”
I was at a loss for words. How then could anything be changed if He didn’t strip it away? He is the One with the ability, the power, to take away anything He wants.
He began to speak to me again in words and pictures about who He wants to be to me; and I began to see a possibility for change for which my experience in religion never prepared me.
He is Lover, and I am called to be intimate with Him – to trust Him, come close to Him, and allow no barriers between us. As the romance deepens, and we dance ever closer to one another, I can begin to shed the garments that separated us (fear, independence) on my own.
I realized that intimacy is something I’ve never known. I’ve known lots of people, but I’ve never experienced what it is to be truly intimate with another person, either friend or lover.
Completely overwhelmed by what He was offering me, I whispered, “You are almost beyond my comprehension, Father – the Power to strip and take away, who prefers to wait until it’s given . . . What is this?”
He answered simply, “I’m teaching you love.”
And I saw myself, newly wed, entering the bridal chamber. My Husband was standing inside, waiting for me. His hand was extended towards me, yet He was saying, “I’m waiting for you. I’m willing to wait as long as you need Me to.”
And as much as I wanted to, and as much as I loved Him, I could not step forward and take that hand. “I want to; but I want it to be real, Father. I want to trust You so much, it’s natural to walk towards You, leaving a trail of old fears and lies behind me as I move into Your embrace.”
That night I went to bed, feeling Him still very close. I woke briefly several times in the night. The first 2-3 times I woke, He was still standing inside the chamber, waiting for me. I told Him, “I want to do this. I want to be able to come to You with only joy and excitement at the next step in the Romance.” But I couldn’t take His hand.
The next few times I awoke, we were outside, and, without saying a word, He took me by the hand, and we just walked. There was absolutely no reproach, no rebuke. He just took time to walk with me. He really is willing to wait – and He isn’t leaving me while He does so.
There is such a stirring on the inside of me. I feel like I am on the brink of something I’ve never even imagined, a level of relationship and understanding of love that I cannot comprehend at this time. It’s exciting, yet completely unknown. And yet the pressure that marked what I previously knew of intimacy is nowhere to be found. I know that even though I haven’t yet been able to grasp that hand, one day soon, I will. The very fact that He isn’t forcing me is drawing me nearer to Him. Perhaps that’s what real love does . . .
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