What to do with unfulfilled promises

I love rain in the summer. Recently, I was outside enjoying a light shower. I relished the coolness and was looking for rainbows.

Suddenly, I got hit with something. A deep ache rose up in me. Oh, how I wanted to be back in Uganda. As I mused on it, tears came to my eyes.

This wasn't a new feeling, but it'd been a while. I've been back from Africa for a month and a half. My time has become more and more consumed with school-year preparations.

As I stood in the rain, tears welling in my eyes, I realized I had a choice. Actually, I had a few choices.

My first response was to just shut the feeling down. I'm not there, and won't be for a while. Why subject myself to avoidable pain by dwelling on what I don't have?

Anybody been there?

Another option was to dive deep into the emotion. I could sigh and cry about what I think I'm missing.

Anybody been there?

I decided to try something totally different. I looked past the city sky to my memories of the Ugandan landscape. As I did, I reminded myself of God's promises.

"Father, thank you for your faithfulness. I am grateful that you said you watch over your word to perform it. I remember all the times you've spoken to me about Africa. I choose to remember your promises today.

"And, Father, I thank you for where I am now. I thank you that my life isn't aimless. I thank you for giving me a purpose and a passion to fulfill right now, as well as in the future. I thank you that as I learn to be faithful with what you've given me, you will be able to trust me with more."

I've written before about living in a place of tension between what you experience and what you believe. But this is a new kind of stretching.

I'm learning I can live with anticipation of the future while still appreciating the present.

It's the beginning of another school year. If I'm fixated on my next trip overseas, it will be impossible to give the students in front of me what they need.

If I repress and ignore this ache, then I'll end up depressed, because it's God who gave me the desire in the first place. We can't ignore God's call and maintain a sense of joy and purpose.

If I'm willing to live in the now-and-not-yet, however, I get the best of both worlds.

I enter the new year excited to see what new things the Lord wants to teach me. This sense of direction causes me to be more productive because I know what I'm learning now will help me later. I carry hope and expectation that causes others to wonder how a public school teacher can possibly be so happy! (Just kidding. Mostly)

So as I stood there in the rain, I let the tears come. But I let joy rise up, too. My God is faithful. Not seeing his promises fulfilled yet doesn't mean they aren't still coming.

It's said of Abraham, "No unbelief made him waver concerning the promise of God, but he grew strong in his faith as he gave glory to God, fully convinced that God was able to do what he had promised."

 My faith is strengthened by looking at the present as well as the future. After all, the present is where the promise is. If I already had it, I wouldn't need the promise.

 More and more, I'm learning God is as interested in the journey as in the destination. He wants to be with us in the now: in the struggles, the successes, the tears and the joy.

As we walk with him in the now instead of the future, we catch glimpses of the little things he surprises us with along the way. We get to know him better. And our faith is strengthened.

If you're in the land of "now-and-not-yet," be encouraged. Realize your hands are not empty. That's a promise from God you're holding! And he is faithful and able to fulfill it.

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