How an encounter with God can bring the healing you're looking for

I've been reading in Exodus lately and thinking about what the Israelites did after getting free from Egypt. Despite their physical freedom, they didn't make it to where God wanted them to go. It reminded me of our own process of getting free from the sorrows and events that try to haunt us.

In Exodus 32, Moses is up on the mountain communing with God. Aaron and the rest of the people are waiting and waiting on him down below. The people's fear and impatience finally gets the best of them. Unable to bear the uncertainty, they create a golden calf to worship instead.

These are the people who were just victoriously led out of slavery, watching the ocean crash over and destroy their enemies. They are feasting on bread from heaven and seeing the radiant glory of God on Moses' face.

But the miracles around them weren't enough to sustain their faith when things got rocky. Seeing their leader covered in glory didn't lead them to greater faithfulness.

Strangely enough, though, this is what they asked for. Immediately after leaving Egypt in triumph, God arranged a meeting with his people.

He came in power, demonstrating his strength and majesty. He invited his children, the ones he had fought for and delivered, to come near and experience his overwhelming glory.

But, "When the people saw the thunder and lightning and heard the trumpet and saw the mountain in smoke, they trembled with fear. They stayed at a distance and said to Moses, 'Speak to us yourself and we will listen. But do not have God speak with us or we will die.'" (Ex. 20:18, 19)

Moses tried to persuade them, but they were adamant. They couldn't overcome their fear of experiencing God personally.

I've encountered a similar theme in my own life. Maybe you have as well. Let's look at it for a moment.

Like most people, I've had some bad experiences in my life - scary, heart-breaking things. Then I met Jesus. I went to church and heard about being "saved" and a "new creation." I was told God "makes all things new" and that "all his plans for me are good."

I agreed all that sounded great and continued reading my Bible and church attendance. But something was missing. I was like the Israelites - I'd been physically rescued, but I was keeping my distance from the one who saved me.

God tried to come close to me. I heard his voice calling to me in times of worship and read in his Word how he wanted to dwell closely with me (Jn. 15). But I was afraid. Hiding in my box of fear felt safer than getting close to this powerful God.

He finally had to give me an ultimatum. He made it clear that if I didn't let him near, I wouldn't make it in this Christian life. I didn't like it, and didn't know why or what this was going to look like. But I decided I had to at least try.

What I didn't realize was that God had a plan. He wasn't trying to give me just one more thing to endure or a frivolous emotional episode. He wanted to give me new experiences to replace the old.

The bad experiences I'd had went more than skin deep. Reading Scripture and hearing sermons was good. But they weren't enough. I needed something more, something as visceral as the events scarring my mind and heart. That something ended up being the very nearness of God I had avoided.

Every day I tried to to let him come a little closer. As I did, he began pouring his love and kindness over me in waves. It was tangible.

My encounters with God began rivalling anything of the past. I heard his voice as he declared his love. I saw the tears running down his face as we discussed my misunderstandings of his nature. I felt the indescribable gentleness of his touch as he taught me authority doesn’t have to equal pain.

The Lord was giving me new sights, sounds and feelings to replace the old. The fierceness of his love not only erased the scars, it healed the places in me that still remembered the anguish.

 I am an entirely different person than I was a few years ago. But it didn't have to be this way. I could have let fear stop me. I could have kept my distance and left the "experiences" for the super-spiritual people.

But then I would have missed this new life. Like God's people of old, I would have been "saved" just to continue living as a captive to the fears of my past.

I don't know what hurts you've experienced. I don't know what it would look like for you to "experience" God now. It couldn't possibly be worse than what you've already encountered, could it? And maybe it would be exactly what you needed to not just cope with the pain, but truly be healed. What do you have to lose?


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